Monday, July 26, 2010

Character Intro: J. Bernard Muyskens

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the internet...All right, I'm going to admit it: I haven't seen Jaws, but then again it turns out that Libby isn't the last member of the YAMB team after all, so really, anything can happen. Yes, it's just like a surprise twist ending, however better as it comes at the beginning of the blog, rather than at the end. My name is John, or as my associates call me: J. Bernard Muyskens, and I haven't been dead the whole time (I may have been dreaming, though). Over my eighteen years I have become an accomplished scientist, athlete, and public-speaker, but those days are behind me. I used to be able to run long distances without stopping, orate for seven minutes a speech I had prepared in thirty, and had a great deal of knowledge regarding cellular biology and volcanoes; this is all behind me. I am now a movie reviewer.

Born and raised in the humble Midwestern city of Grand Rapids, MI, it seemed I was destined for a bland and unexciting childhood in the town that Time magazine could only describe as "well-churched." Then everything chAdd Imageanged. I spent a year in Manhattan while my parents were taking a sabbatical, doing research at Columbia University. During this year I learned the ways of the street from the proverbial school of hard knocks. I owned that city. I owned it hard. Then I had my fourth birthday. The cake was train-shaped. It was delicious. Unfortunately, I got in a fight with some tough characters. My mother got worried and sent me to live in California. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror if anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought man forget it yo homes to Bel-Air. I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie yo homes smell ya later.
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air. It was there that I learned the art of chilling, and also being a bro. See above photograph of the author displaying the traits of a chill California bro, yet retaining his hardened street edginess common to former residents of New York City. After that I just walked the earth, you know, like Caine in Kung Fu.

Well, now you know my life story, and possibly in more detail than I would like. My name is pronounced "mice-skins", and in Dutch means "Little mouse". I am also obsessed with music to an even greater degree than I am obsessed with movies, so expect to see some reviews of the soundtrack, etc.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
J. Bernard Muyskens

1 comment:

Thank you for commenting! Keep it Clean!