What's Wrong with My Horror Films?!

“I recognize terror as the finest emotion and so I will try to terrorize the reader. But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if I find that I cannot horrify, I’ll go for the gross-out. I’m not proud.” ~Stephen King

Seriously. What’s wrong with my horror films? The short answer: everything. From the one-dimensional characters to the flimsy plot lines to the smattering of gore from good-looking people, horror has become horrifically awful. Unfortunately, in the day and age of the slasher/torture porn flicks and remakes, the bloodier and the skimpier the outfits, the better. Not to mention, these films are dirt cheap to produce, and they draw a ridiculous amount of people who flock stupidly to go watch the trash.

Even this guy is confused.

Okay, maybe I’m being a little too harsh. Sure, some horror films capture the meaning of what it takes to be a “horror film.” But what IS a horror film? A quick glance at the all-powerful Wikipedia, “horror films” are “unsettling movies that strive to elicit the emotions of fear, disgust and horror from viewers.” Well... emotions such as “fear” or “horror” don’t really hit me when watching these abundant splatter films, but I definitely have my disgust-o meter short-circuiting. You would think that audiences can waste only so much time at the theaters watching the latest bimbos getting chopped and disemboweled after a romantic romp in the woods with their now-dead boyfriends. However, this, dare I say “logical,” thought process is quite the opposite. In fact, American audiences can’t get enough of the latest gore-nogpraphy. So, maybe the question of “what’s wrong with my horror films?” should really be: “What’s up with people wasting money on slasher flicks?”

Upcoming Movie: Due Date

"I'm bored. Want to make a movie?" "Yeah, sure."

In a stroke of cosmic irony, while YAMB has been falling into disrepair, the world has apparently decided to recognize our contribution. After writing an article about a girl road trip with our favorite actresses, Warner Bros. comes out with a movie that’s basically the same thing only with men. Due Date, coming out November 5, is a movie about a father-to-be who needs to get across the country to attend the birth of his child, but his only way to get there is via road trip. And it’s going to be awesome.

    

Suggestion Box

This has nothing to do with anything.

OK, to be really honest, this post would be more honestly titled "A Desperate Plea for Help." After having sort of acclimated ourselves to college, we found ourselves with less and less free time, explaining the lack of posts. However, this last few weeks, you may have noticed a drop in posts. There weren't any.


Oddly enough, this wasn't necessarily because of lack of time. Some of us were even on Fall Break (not me, though *grumbles*) and those who weren't sure had some time between their classes and such. Problem was, for me at least, and at least some of my fellow YAMB-ers, that we couldn't think of anything to write. This dearth of material has led to some desperate attempts at articles or else just no writing at all.


Some of us considered just writing MTSBM (Movies That Should Be Made) about just anything they could think of, but that would A: get old real fast, and B: undermine the (already limited) legitimacy of this blog. Instead of doing this, or continuing to write awful articles about Lord of the Rings, Zooey Deschanel, or both, we hoped we could get some suggestions from the viewers about what to write about. Any new movies you saw the trailer of that you'd like to hear about? Movies you totally think should be made, but haven't bothered writing a snarky plot summary full of inside jokes about? Actors you want to see profiled, or what new movies they're going to be in? Or really just anything at all? In case you haven't noticed, we're sort of desperate, so we'll take anything.


Please help us!
Sincerely, YAMB

Enough of the Eagles!

Yeah. Screw these guys.

Because of this blog’s increasing nerd obsession with Lord of the Rings, and because I simply have nothing better to do, it seems as though it would be in everyone’s (i.e. my) best interest to clear up a standard misconception about Lord of the Rings, namely the eagles. Oh boy, here we go . . .

Every jerk smart-aleck who fancies themselves an English major knows about the supposed gaping plot hole of Lord of the Rings, the eagles. I mean, come on, for a classic of modern literature, Tolkien sure was dumb! Why couldn’t they just ride the eagles to Mount Doom, without all that tedious walking? Like . . . duh? This is so prevalent that there’s a popular YouTube video called “How Lord of the Rings Should Have Ended” that covers the supposed plot hole.

Hooray for Hogwarts: Taking a Peek at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Mark your calendars: on November 19 the first half of the final installment of the Harry Potter film series, The Deathly Hallows, will be released. Trailers are present now frequently across screens of all shapes and sizes. The website screenrant.com described it as “suitably epic.” Hopefully The Deathly Hallows lives up to the high expectations set by the trailer. 

Oscar Watch, Pt. II

Well, it has been awhile since the last Oscar Watch installment (and the first installment), but I have slowly but surely rolled out the next portion of the 24 Films to Keep Tabs On come Oscar season!

Now, I realize most of these films haven't been released to the mainstream public, and to tell you the truth, most of these films won't be viewed by the mainstream public, only snobby, hoighty-toighty, art snobs like myself. That being said, it's never (I repeat, NEVER!) too early to start talking about the Oscars!

Some interesting thing before we start... a film I had in the second part of the first installment (confusing, I know), Blue Valentine, was hit with an NC-17 rating. Yikes. From what I've gathered from early reports was that the film was intense at times, but hardly anything worth giving such a harsh rating.

Now, without further ado, I present you Part II of the Oscar Watch series.

Movie Review: The Social Network

Yes, we're here for our Oscar nomination, please?

As I write this, I am also on my email, listening to music (Buffy the Vampire Slayer music) on iTunes, and of course on Facebook. Of course when I say The Social Network, the first thing most people think is “oh yeah, that one movie about Facebook, right?” Well, yes and no. Technically it’s about the guy who invented Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg (played by Jesse Eisenberg), and the two lawsuits he went through over the invention (discovery? creation?) of Facebook. But of course, just like Facebook, there’s way more than just that. In fact, the movie is about Facebook, despite the fact that the only time Facebook is actually shown is the exceedingly old main page, and Mark’s own Facebook page right at the end. The Social Network ends up being a comprehensive, lovingly crafted yet critical view of modern culture in general, as exemplified by Facebook.